Emotional Intelligence, Part 1

Drs. Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves define emotional intelligence as the “ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.”

How does emotional intelligence relate to your academic success?

Imagine that you are studying for your final exam in math. You set up a meeting with your professor the day before the test in order to ask some final questions. At the last minute, however, your professor cancels the meeting via e-mail, as he has a sick child at home. You did not get the e-mail, so you wasted an hour stopping by his empty office. Now it is the night before the final and you still do not know how to solve a few of the problems.

How would you feel? How would you respond? 

One possible negative response would be to skip the exam the next day, since you are upset that your professor was not available to help. "If he will not help, I will not try!" This would be an obvious example of self-defeating behavior produced by poor handling of emotions. 

One possible positive response would be to call one of your best friends. Not only is she a math major that might be able to answer your questions, but you  realize that you are stressed and anxious, and you know that your friend can help you calm down. By recognizing your emotions and identifying a positive response, you are able to get some sleep that night and come into your final feeling pretty confident. 

Emotional intelligence, at the individual level, is all about self-awareness. By definition, emotions well-up inside of us without conscious thought. But by consciously taking a moment to pause and assess, you can manage your negative emotions and harness your positive emotions, directing your responses toward your goals and reducing reactive and self-defeating behavior. 

To build self-awareness of your own emotions, ask yourself: 

#1 - Are these emotions an appropriate response? Emotions, in their effect, are real, no matter their cause. It is important to honor these emotions and not just brush them aside. With that being said, it is fair to assess whether or not your emotional response seems appropriate to scale. Are you making a mountain out of a mole hill? Alternatively, are you brushing aside something very significant?  

#2 - How are your emotions affecting your actions? Stand back for a moment to assess the situation and identify your possible responses. There may be times when quick action based on an inspiring emotion is the best course of action. We may have a boost of courage - for example - to speak to someone we have admired from afar. As a general rule, however, brash action taken in response to an emotion should be tempered by self-awareness. Don't rush into something you'll regret tomorrow.

On the one hand, emotions can be very powerful and inspire you to take action. On the other hand, emotions tend to be short-sighted and fleeting. It is to your advantage to take a moment,  pause, and become self-aware before acting on your emotions. 

In Part Two, we further examine emotional intelligence at the social level. 

Emotional Intelligence, Part Two

In Part One, we examined self-awareness strategies to recognize and harness your individual emotional response. At a social level, building empathy for the emotions of others enables you to understand the point of view of another person and effectively collaborate, minimizing misinterpretations and useless conflict.

For example, imagine that you are working on a group project for your history class. You and another classmate are doing most of the work, while the third person is reluctant to participate, and the fourth person misses nearly every meeting.

What would you feel? How would you respond?

You may feel frustrated in your efforts to get the whole group involved and simply decide to do all the work for the non-participating students. While this may be, in the short term, an easier and more effective way to just get the project done, you're sense of self-righteousness may be leading to an emotional blindness on your part.

Alternatively, you may take a moment, pause, and assess the situation. As it turns out, the quiet student wants to participate, but is rather intimidated by your extroverted leadership style. The fourth student is frustrated because he has to work during the scheduled meetings, though he would wants to participate. By recognizing the emotions of others, you are able to respond more effectively.

To build empathy for the emotions of others, ask yourself:

#1 - What circumstances are shaping the emotional response of the other person? Your classmate may be short with you because they are a jerk, or because they are having a really bad day. Don't jump to conclusions based on how the world looks to you. Rather than snapping back, take a moment to pause and restart the conversation in a different vein. And even if the other person is being a jerk for no appropriate reason, simply returning the favor is not likely to help you reach your intended outcome. Sometimes you just need to be the bigger person.

#2 - How is your behavior impacting their emotions, and vice versa? Despite your good intentions, you may be doing things that frustrates, angers, or saddens the other person. Alternatively, your behavior may also be adding to the happiness, serenity, or excitement of the other person. Emotional intelligence requires that you take a moment, pause, and assess how you are affecting the other person, and vice versa. You may be able to make this assessment through observation, but dialogue is most effective.

For more on emotional intelligence, check out the interesting articles on TalentSmart.

Managing Stress on the High Seas

Imagine that you are the captain of a ship sailing through a stormy sea. Giant waves push your boat toward a rocky shore. Heavy rain makes it difficult to see. The GPS system is malfunctioning. Your second mate is out of commission due to sea sickness (probably should have picked a different line of work). Stressful, right?

Perhaps your travels through college feel the same way at times. Your courses are stormy, your study skills are malfunctioning, and you feel like you are getting pushed toward a financial wreck. You, too, might feel stressed out.

Much of the stress may come from the belief that things are beyond your control, the feeling that you are in a small dinghy getting tossed about by the whims of a powerful storm. But this is a false belief. Certainly, you cannot control all the storms of your life, but you can grab a hold of the steering wheel and pilot your ship as best you can.

"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul," asserts William Ernest Henley.

So, then, one technique of stress management is to recognize that you have the power to influence the outcomes of your life. Staring into the eye of the storm can be stressful and immobilizing. However, recognize that you can choose how you respond to the circumstances you face. Accept the power you have to act and keep your focus squarely on your goals.

The rain will be cold and the wind will be lashing at times - that is just life. However, you can reduce the stress of these situations by believing in your ability to safely pilot your way through any storm. It will take courage, resiliency, and support from those around you, but the storms are no match for the power you hold within yourself.

Defusing Classroom Conflict

Example A

Student: "All you do is lecture! Then you test us on things that you never talk about. I am not learning anything and I am failing the class because you do not know how to teach!"

Instructor: "You never come to class on time! You never do your homework. You sleep in class instead of listen. I am not suprised you are failing the course!"
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Conflict in the classroom happens. Emotions flare. Accusations abound. Often, classroom conflict is indirect and under the surface. That is, students vent with advisors while instructors complain to other faculty. But it is conflict nonetheless, which negatively impacts the outcomes for both instructor and student.

As a student, if you have a concern about the action and behavior of an instructor, you have the right and the responsibility to voice your concerns. However, there is a constructive, positive way to manage conflict and an egotistical, negative way to manage conflict. I suggest you focus on the former.

Here are some constructive conflict resolution strategies that may help remedy your concerns with an instructor.

1. Always start by meeting with the instructor, face-to-face whenever possible. No one likes to be "told on" or undercut. Give the instructor a chance to dialogue. If you do not feel comfortable meeting one-on-one, ask a neutral academic advisor or staff member to mediate the conversation.

2. Avoid jumping to conclusions. It seems intensely human to see what we want to see in any particular situation. This goes by the names bias, stereotypes, prejudice, jumping to conclusions, et cetera. Check your perceptions at the door and listen to the instructor's perspective.

3. Acknowledge the instructor's point of view. You do not need to agree, but try to understand where s/he is coming from.

4. Use "I" statements, not "You" statements. Describe your perceptions, feelings, and actions rather than blaming or complaining about the instructor. If you have made a mistake, own it.

5. Focus on the desired outcomes. Lost in all the conflict might be the fact that both the student and instructor have the same desired outcome - student success! Focus on the actions both parties can take to help reach that desired outcome.


Example B

Student: "I have a hard time learning through lecture, so it is challenging for me when most of the class is lecture-based. Then I feel like you test us on things not in the lecture. I feel frustrated, and so I don't feel it is worth my time to do my homework, though I know this is not a good excuse. I am not learning as much as I would like and I am failing the course. I want to do better and I hope we can work together to come up with solutions."

Instructor: "I feel like you would learn more if you came to class on time, did your homework, and stayed awake in class, but I see that you are facing some challenges that discourage you from putting in the work. What can I do to help? I know not all students learn through lecture. Perhaps I can help students form a study group. Also, I am willing to meet with you during office hours. I want you to do well!"
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Admittedly, conflict resolution is often messier than this, and it does not always work. But by taking proactive steps to defuse classroom conflict, you are taking personal responsibility for achieving your desired outcomes in college.

The Stress Response and Academics

Back in the day, sabre-toothed tigers hot on your heels caused stress. Now it is more likely to be bill collectors triggering your body's natural "fight-or-flight" reaction.

No matter what produces stress in your life - finances, homework, busy schedules, relationships, sabre-toothed tigers - your body's physiological response is the same: increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, boosted energy supplies, increased sugars (glucose) in the bloodstream, enhanced brain use of glucose, and the reduction of functions that are non-essential to short-term survival (such as your immune system).

Short-term stress is helpful; it has helped the human species survive over the millennia. Long-term stress, however, is extremely physically damaging. According to the Mayo Clinic, "If your mind and body are constantly on edge because of excessive stress in your life, you may face serious health problems."

Do you feel constantly stressed out?

If so, your physical body is not performing at 100%. Chronic stress makes you much more susceptible to heart disease, sleep problems, depression, obesity and memory impairment. Likely, your immune system is weakened and your energy levels are low.

None of these conditions bode well for the energy, focus, and endurance required to be a successful student.

Some ideas for managing your body's stress response include:

- Eat a healthy diet, get regular exercise and plenty of sleep

- Utilize time management skills

- Practice relaxation techniques

- Foster healthy friendships

- Seek laughter

Two-Wheeled Stress Management

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Ride a bike!

No, I am not suggesting that you simply bike away from all your responsibilities. However, an established exercise routine can go a long way in reducing your stress levels. Exercise leads to the release of chemicals in your body (endorphins) that counteract stress. Psychologically, 30 minutes on a bike - the wind blowing through your hair and the sun shining on your face - may help whisk your stress away. So, rather than sitting in traffic to and from school, ride a bike!

Denver has a wide variety of bike routes and trails. Here is a map of all paved bike trails in Denver.

As a student, you also have access to the PE Building on the Auraria campus, which has free weights, treadmills, a climbing wall and a swimming pool. You may also participate in free classes through the Auraria Healthy Moves program, including yoga, dance, and nutrition.

Manage Your Stress

Stress is a part of day-to0day living. Mild forms of stress can act as a motivator and energizer. However, if your stress level is too high, medical and social problems can result.

Suggestions for Reducing Stress - find what works for you.

* Reinforce positive self-statements.

* Focus on your good qualities and accomplishments.

* Avoid unnecessary competition.

* Recognize and accept your limits. Remember that everyone is unique and different.

* Get a hobby or two. Relax and have fun.

* Exercise regularly.

* Eat a balanced diet daily.

* Talk with friends or someone you can trust about your worries/problems.

* Learn to use your time wisely.

* Set priorities.

* When studying for an exam, study in short blocks and gradually lengthen the time you spend studying. Take frequent short breaks.

* Practice relaxation techniques. For example, whenever you feel tense, slowly breathe in and out for several minutes. There are hundreds if not thousands of different things people do to relax - find what works for you.

Source: http://ub-counseling.buffalo.edu/stressmanagement.php