Growing through Failure - and How

"Failing is just a part of the journey and a step toward figuring things out," writes Mike Maddock, a blog contributor at Forbes. "Do you fear failure or have you made it a part of your everyday practice?"

History documents well case after case of individuals that have failed at something - often repeatedly - before achieving success. Common examples range for Michael Jordan to Steve Jobs to the Wright brothers. In the lingo of human development and innovation, they have "failed forward."

The key tenets of failing forward include: 1) the courage to take risks in the first place that may well lead to failure; 2) the maturity to not let failure beat you down; 3) the wisdom to honestly assess your failures in order to learn from them; and 4) the strength to persist with dogged determination until you reach your success.

Mason Jennings sings, "How long you are down depends on how you rise." The psychologist Carol Dweck encourages us to adapt a "growth mindset." The philosopher Hegel wrote that history moved forward through a dialectic of thesis, antithesis and synthesis.

I can tell you a personal story about the day that I knelt hunched over, sweaty and exhausted, atop a garbage dump (literally). I was in North Dakota at a city park (that was built over said dump as a reclamation project), having just failed miserably at the regional championship of cross-country running. I was a junior in college. According to the script, I eventually picked myself up, dusted myself off, and diligently went to the hard work required to take my running to the next level. A year later, I triumphantly ran the best race of my life.

So yes, consider deeply the tenets of failing forward, and incorporate this growth mindset to your academic and professional career. Put yourself out there; pick yourself up and learn from your failures; never stop until you reach your success.

And How
The narrative of failing forward can be seductive. You fail; you make a heroic comeback; you succeed. It is the American Dream. It is Hollywood. It can be deceptive.

So let me add this: how you fail, and how you learn from it matters. Because failure in itself does not always lead to success. And failure is not necessarily a good thing all the time. So allow me to add three qualifiers to the tenets of failing forward.

1. Not all failure is equal. Failing a History class despite long hours studying and tutoring provides a noble learning experience with a chance of future success. Failing a History class because you were too lazy to study and too unmotivated to attend class is not noble and should not be celebrated.

2. Quitting is not always a bad thing. Let's be real: if you put forth a strong effort yet fail College Algebra three semesters in a row, it might be best to quit your dream of being an Engineer. Sometimes the lessons of failure can be hard to hear.

3. Pursue your strengths. You may not fail as much at a task that aligns with your talents and passions. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Now, with those caveats noted, go out and push your limits! You very well may fail. Learn from it and grow!

Yin and Yang

In Chinese philosophy, the concept of yin and yang describes how seemingly opposing forces act in a complementary and interrelated way.

Many of the students that I work with are actively overcoming obstacles to higher education. These obstacles range from poverty to difficult work-school-life balance to English as a second language to challenges with math, and so on. What obstacles must you overcome to be successful in college?

The important point that I continually make with my students is that obstacles are assets. This may sound strange at first, because obstacles and assets seem to be opposing forces, but they are in fact complementary and interrelated. That is, to be overcoming obstacles is to be strong, resourceful, creative, driven, intelligent, hard working, and so on.

This realization does not make the obstacles any less formidable, but it should give you a boost of self-confidence. You are stronger than you realize. Let go of limiting thoughts and recognize how powerful you are to reach these heights through the process of overcoming obstacles.

Now channel that strength toward bigger and bigger goals - onward and upward!

Vision to Action: Staying Motivated

Whether you are aware of it or not, your thoughts determine your action. In the previous post, I suggested that you become more conscientious of this process by articulating your vision of success, your thoughts on success. If you have not yet read Vision of Success, start there!

Once you have created your vision of success, you are ready to put it into action! The process of goal setting is a good way to create a plan of concrete steps to take toward your vision of success. Review Part I, Part II, and Part III of Goal Setting to create a blueprint of action steps.

Which finally brings us to motivation.You have an idea of where you want to go (vision), and you have a plan for getting there (goals), but how are you going to find the drive to act toward your success? And what fuel will keep you going, through the ups and the downs, until you reach your goals and realize your vision of success? In other words, how will you stay motivated?

To stay motivated, you must see value in what you are doing. That is, does what you are doing right now lead you to where you want to go? Is what you are doing important and relevant in terms of your vision of success?

Also, to stay motivated, you must believe that you can influence the outcomes of your life. Do you see yourself as a strong, hard working person that can take control of your life? Or do you believe that all of your success is do to luck and fate and things that you cannot control?

Strategies for creating motivation:

1. First things first, you must create a vision of success. Consider creating a vision board or write out your vision. Revisit your vision of success often.

2. Use goals to focus on the immediate action steps that you can take to control your outcomes. This will remind you of your ability to impact what happens in your life.

3. Instead of blaming or complaining, use proactive "I" language to address solutions to the challenges you face. Over time, such a mindset will make you feel powerful and in control.  

4. When times get tough, take a moment to think about the value of what you are doing. How does what you are doing right now lead you to a better place?

5. Hold yourself accountable to completing your goals. Reward yourself when you reach your short-term goals. Consider setting shared goals with a friend or partner to keep each other going!

Put Motivation into Action

True Grit

New beginnings make for easy motivation. The vision of success before us is exciting! We see ourselves with a college degree in hand, or at the finish line of a marathon, or publishing our first book of insightful essays. Will we accomplish our goal? Of course! Nothing will stop us!

On a motivation high, we start out strong. We complete all our homework on time and review class notes each day. We rise before the sun and go for a long run. We clear space and time for our writing. We proceed toward our goal.

Slowly, however, our motivation descends from the airy heights and merges with day-to-day realities - an ill child, an extra project at work, a lack of sleep, a poor test score, a dearth of good ideas. Slowly our vision of success fades and a more narrow view creeps in. Now we just try to make it through each day. We are still fighting, still trying, still hoping to reach our goal. Yet our goal seems to be farther away, not closer. The vision of success that seemed a foregone conclusion at one point now seems to be slipping away.

Suddenly, motivation is much more difficult to come by. The time when you need it the most, it is nowhere to be found. You ask yourself: Why not just give up? It was just a silly idea, anyway. A college degree? Nah...that was just a stupid dream.

But wait: it did not have to end this way.

True motivation is gritty. True motivation allows you to get knocked down nine times, and get up ten. True motivation gets stronger as the going gets tougher. So, how do you create this type of motivation?

Motivation is a combination of value and expectation.

Value: why is it important that you complete this goal? Why does it matter? To engender true motivation, you need to be absolutely clear why you are pursuing this particular goal. And you need to frequently revisit the value of what you are attempting. Do you want to complete a college degree to set a positive example for your child? Then put a picture of her on the front cover of your daily planner.

Expectation: do you believe that you have the ability and the fortitude to complete your goal? To create true motivation, you need to believe that you will be successful. And I don't mean a fluffy belief not grounded in reality. I mean a gritty belief in yourself, the belief that no matter how many times you get knocked down, you will get back up.

By articulating and frequently revisiting the value and expectation of your endeavor, you will develop a tough as nails motivation that can withstand any challenges thrown at it. Remember, it is when the going gets tough that motivation is the most difficult to come by, but it is also when you need it most.

Discovering Self-Motivation

If you see no reason to do something, are you motivated to put in an effort? Or if you see no possibility of completion, will you give it a try?

Skip Downing suggests that motivation equals value times expectation (V x E = M). Accordingly, when searching for motivation to complete a task, the first questions to ask yourself are: Why is this important? How will this impact my life?

Having an answer to these questions is extremely important for students facing the rigors and challenges of completing a college degree. Have you thought about all of the benefits that will result from the long hours and sacrifices? Have you dreamed about the life you will be able to lead? If not, your motivation might be lacking.

The second question is a little trickier: Can I do this? It is tricky because we often underestimate our ability to do something. We place too much stock in people who say that we are not able or do not belong. We do not give ourselves a "fighting chance" because we just give up or quit when things get difficult.

The bottom line is: You can complete a college degree, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. Will you put in the effort to become a better student? Will you reach out to programs and people that can help? Will you set goals and a plan for reaching them? Will YOU?

When you feel like giving up, take a close look at all the possibilities and opportunities that you are forfeiting by quitting. Then look yourself in the eye, "This might not be easy, but I will be successful."

Now create a plan for reaching your goals...


Bibliography: Skip Downing, On Course: Strategies for Creating Success in College and Life. Boston, MA:Wadsworth, 2011.

Fill Up

Inspiration is like fuel for your car. It is not the only thing you need to get you from point A to point B; you still need the car, the driver, the system of roads, the directions, the idea of Point B. But inspiration provides the energy to move you forward. Like fuel for your car, it has the potential to come from many different sources. And like fuel for you car, it can be depleted and needs to be refilled now and again.

What inspires you? Do you know? Does your life feel sluggish, like you are running on empty? Or do you wake up each morning excited about the possibilities of the day?

Take time to think about what inspires you, what matters to you, what is important, why you are here. Take time to experience what inspires you - a sunset, a child, a faith, a song, a book, a daydream.

"Happiness is when what you say, what you think, and what you do are in harmony." -Mahatma Gandhi

"Whatever reason you had for not being somebody, there's somebody who had that same problem and overcame it." -Barbara Reynolds

"Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today." -Malcom X

The Easiest Instructors

I have heard of students who pick out their classes based on the "easiest instructor" or the "easiest class." My question is: Why do you want the easiest instructor or the easiest class? How will this benefit you?

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."

If you repeatedly take the easy way - the classes or the instructors that do not challenge you, do not motivate you to learn and to grow - where does that leave you? There might be a short-term benefit - less homework, better grades - but in the long-term, will you reach your full potential?

Or, look at it this way. An employer is making the final choice between two relatively-even job candidates. One candidate has a lower GPA, but has taken more difficult courses, and can talk about how they continually learn and improve through hard work and effort. The second candidate has a higher GPA, but has taken easier courses, and does not have much evidence of a strong work ethic. As an employer, wouldn't you rather have the person who works hard, who is not afraid to try difficult things, who can persevere through challenges? Yes, I think so.

Success is available to each one of us. We all have the opportunity to pursue our strengths and passions through hard work and determination. But you have to earn it - every day! You become who you repeatedly are...do your best every day and you will become your best.